Thursday, May 2, 2013

The space between

In the nearly seven years that Georgia and I have been together, I have learned that in our relationship, and in every relationship really, there are highs and there are lows.  There are times when you feel so in love that you want to sing from the rooftops and there are those other times – the times when the space between feels enormous and heavy and sad.  We are going through one of those lows right now and I feel, well, sad.

Marriage is work.  This I know.  I also know that it’s worth it.  I come from a “broken home” and while I despise that description (because I had a pretty great childhood), that really is the best way to describe it.  In a nutshell, my parents divorced when I was in the 6th grade.  My dad owned a very successful business so their divorce was long and horrible, with lots to argue over.  Following the divorce, my siblings and I bounced between each of their homes.  My brother and sister ended up living for the most part with my dad and I with my mom.  My dad died of a heart attack a few years later when I was in high school, and to this day, my mom feels that they would have eventually reconciled.  For this reason, and for so many others, I have always known that when I made that commitment it would be forever.  In the three years that Georgia and I have been married, I have come to realize that forever, at times, takes a lot of work.

We went through a tough time similar to this when Grace was a tiny baby.  I don’t think anyone prepares you for the amount of change that comes along with being a new parent.  From the day that baby is born, everything is different.  It changes a relationship, it changes a family, it changes a life.  And while most changes are amazing and wonderful, there are some tough ones too and they don’t magically fix when your kiddo turns one.

What the past couple of weeks have shown me is that two people can stop communicating and stop fully supporting each other without either really being aware that it’s happening – until it’s happened.  For us, this has involved hurt feelings, very little talking, and a tendency to overreact to the smallest things.  It has also involved a lot of making up… so I am grateful for that.

I’ve been hesitant to write about this space between us and how it has made me feel, but I think it’s important that I do.  It helps to write.  It helps to acknowledge that things aren’t perfect.  It helps to say out loud – I LOVE my wife but right now things are tough.

13 comments:

  1. I think it is sooo important to say it out loud and acknowledge when things aren't perfect. Then you can start working towards a real solution and not just keep sweeping it under the rug which leads to bigger blow ups. I hope that space gets smaller and the load lighter soon. <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hear you on that! But definitely all worth it! Thanks for sharing... Made me remember that no relationship is perfect! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so happy that you said this here. I've heard again and again people say that they are splitting up. People need to hear that you might not like each other for a while. but you hang in there. because this is just a part of the big picture.

    Sometimes when you have kids it's all about survival. The day to day can feel repeated and not sexy or new.

    Suggestion...go on a date. Try and get out just the two of you. Don't talk about Grace. Don't talk about money. Talk about when you were first together. Talk about and plan something fun to do this summer.

    Big hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loved your post! I think sometimes in the world of social media we often forget that no relationship or life is perfect. We only get too see all those “perfect” Facebook posts or perfectly planed photos! No one ever seems to write what’s really going on in their lives! Sometimes I actually get down from seeing everyone’s seemingly “perfect” lives! It is great to see that there are normal people, having normal problems! Thanks for sharing and I hope things get brighter for you two lovely ladies! Hang in there, like you said it will be worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Very very well written. You are right. Bringing kids into a family can affect the strongest of marriages. I don't regret a minute of it, but it creates its challenges. Marriage takes work, patience, and communication. I feel the same way you do. There are times that we are 100% connected and days that we couldn't be further apart. I love my husband more than anything in the entire world. Even after almost 13 years, I can't imagine my life with out him, but some days I are just down right hard. We always pull through, but I worry if we really don't shift our focus back to eachother, it could break us. Date nights are a must. And we also need to have conversations that do not revolve around the kids. :) We work on it everyday. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. relationships ARE work and it can take a lot sometimes to simply admit there has been a breakdown in communication. kudos to you for at least acknowledging it and putting it out there - too often we don't want to talk about it let alone admit it to others. the strength and courage it takes to pull through can look insurmountable, but it's always possible and your true foundation and love for one another will get you through this. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is so beautifully written. I have told friends before that marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done. I love it, I truly do, but you are right it takes work. Sometimes those high points (and adorable kids) are the only things that get people through the low points. Major hugs for you and know that you are not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh girl. I'm so sorry to hear about this rough patch. We've definitely been there! Relationships are hard...then throw a child into the mix...even harder. Writing it out is therapy!! You KNOW I use my blog all the time to air our shit. ;) But, really, it helps and if you can get a little support along the way...then win win.

    I second and third the need for date nights. And "special times" if you know what I mean. It's vital to keep the couple-ness alive.

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. It's easy to forget the need to nurture our marriages (and ourselves) with the time and energy we do our kids.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is a perfect post. I think you are so right. Relationships are hard work. 10 years, my partner and I have been through so much good and a lot more bad. It's ok to say it. It's ok to acknowledge it. I am not sure when it became taboo to say "Love is work. Love is not a damn fairytale." I am sure you will struggle in the coming weeks, but know that love worth fighting for, and I think you will both agree, is worth every moment of rough patches when you make it out on the other side together! Hang in there, both of you. I'm rooting for you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback and support. I can’t begin to express how much it means to me to know that I have a space where I can express myself (the good and the bad) and receive such comfort in knowing that what I’m going through is normal. I am happy to report that things with the wife and I are on the right track, we’re talking more and I’m feeling much better this week than I did last week.

    You gals are all seriously awesome and I appreciate each and every one of you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh Kristin it amazing how much we have in common honey. Thank you so much for sharing that....I know I'm a little late reading it but my goodness we are going through the same thing right now! Its so nice to know we aren't alone! Its hard to share the lows with others for the fear of being judged...as you can see that you aren't judged but yet embraced!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Melissa. I'm sorry to hear that you guys are experiencing some tough days too. I just try and reset every morning and appreciate what's going well. Some days are easier than others.

      Delete

Thanks so much for keeping up with our little family! We love reading your comments and will get back to you as soon as we can.

K+G+g+w ♥

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...