Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The second time around

This post is going to be all over the place so I apologize in advance.  I’ve been thinking a lot about baby #2 lately.  Maybe it’s because we’ve now been on TTC #2 “hold” for 3 months.  Maybe it’s because I don’t feel like it’s something G and I even talk about all that much, or maybe it’s because I can already feel that my our experience the second time around is going to be so much different than the first.  Not necessarily less than, just different than.

With TTC #1, before the wife and I even picked a donor and before we found our RE or began saving, we baby shopped.  We bought baby stuff while on vacation, at Costco, the grocery store… we were pretty ridiculous.  We were just so flippin’ excited!  I remember us walking through the mall about a year before G’s first insemination when we came across the tree decal that is now in Gracie’s nursery.  Even though TTC was months from happening and even though we had no way of knowing that we would have a girl, we bought it.  We just couldn’t help ourselves.  It’s really all we talked about.  So much so that we’ve often joked that we can’t believe our friends still talk to us as we know how annoying the baby talk must have become after awhile… Thanks for sticking around guys. ;) 

That same feeling, that electricity and overwhelming excitement doesn’t seem to be here right now, for either of us.  And while I totally get that it is our second go at this baby making stuff, it’s a first for me.  I’ve never been pregnant before.  It’s actually pretty terrifying and while I was there every step of the way throughout G’s pregnancy, I imagine it will feel much different with baby #2 considering I’ll be the one growing the human this time.  It’s crazy to even type that!   

I truly hope it doesn’t sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself, because while I do feel a little boo, hoo about the overall lack of enthusiasm in our house, it’s kind of to be expected, right?  The first time is after all, the first time.  It’s the unknown, the new, the exciting.  So I guess my question is, what does that leave for round 2?  Anything?

Well, that’s all for now from this 2nd born, middle child.  I’m sure there’s no correlation between that and the way I’ve been feeling.  No connection at all. ;)


14 comments:

  1. OH MY GOSH I'M THE MIDDLE CHILD TOO ! Which is probably why I understand how you're feeling right now. :)

    All joking aside. I think you are justified in your feelings. I will say that I have found that whether the original birth mama is carrying the baby or the otha motha is....having the 2nd baby it is hard to manage it all emotionally. You will struggle with a lot of feelings of inequality with the 2nd. Love, attention, time - etc. All of which will work themselves out in your head by the time that sweet baby comes home.
    This baby and this pregnancy will be SO special. The TTC isn't so much not a big deal as it isn't your top priority now. Little Miss Gracie kind of steals the show and most of your time. When you only had her conception to think about before now you have to think about feeding her, bathing her, cuddling, reading, daycare, bedtime and those are just a FEW of the things on your plates now. And then there is work and your relationship (which will get lost in all of this, but be patient...it will come back too :)
    I for one can't WAIT to follow you on this journey. Document the hell out of it. I'll be cheering you on each and every post.

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    1. Middle children unite! Thanks so much for the comment. I too feel it will all work out. I think it's the not talking about it that hurts. I guess I wish G would bring it up more often or that I would feel some excitement in our home about it but I also know that things are stressful right now. As I've said before, it's been the perfect storm of issues lately and I'm hopeful that at some point in the not so far future, we can look back and think - wow, things are so much better now.

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  2. I'm a first born so I totally don't get you. lol ;)
    When we tried for Maya it was more business like. We wanted them close in age so the timing was what we concentrated on. Even the insemination wasn't as AHHHHHHHH!!!!! as it was the first go round. :) And of course the pregnancy was definitely not as....all encompassing. We had Isa to take care of and we were damn tired. We were also not connected at all.

    But then Maya was born. Rebeca and I were doing well again and Isa was okay with the new addition. But for reals, poor 2nd kid syndrome!! Isa had pictures done at 3mo, 6mo, 9mo, 1 year and 18mo. Maya's first photo shoot was when she was 2. Damn.

    Although the TTCing and the pregnancy wasn't all shiny and new the 2nd time around, the kid sure was. She was COMPLETELY different from Isa so there was still a lot of newness to go around. :)

    Good luck pal!!! Can't wait to follow this ride.

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    1. Stacy, you are such a first born that you didn't even have to tell me, haha! The way you described Maya's conception is exactly how I'm feeling right now... very business like. It's all about when is the perfect time, we can't afford it right now, we need to do A, B & C first, etc. While these are all totally valid concerns, it takes a lot of the joy out of it.

      I cracked up when I read about all the picture you had taken of Isa because that's something I think about all the time. Georgia often gives me shit saying that I need to calm down with all the crafty stuff I do for Grace because I'm going to have to do the same for #2. As a #2 myself, I always tell her that I absolutely will! Let's hope I can keep that promise, lol.

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  3. We have so much in common...lol. All but the middle child thingy..I'm the first born and the BEST! *snickers* I pray all goes well on your journey! Yay for #2! My wife and I discussed this in great detail and she knows how important it is to me to have all the Ohhhhhs and Ahhhhs about MY pregnancy like we had with hers. I know some things will be different and not exactly a new experience anymore BUT like others have said...its still a totally new journey and will be filled with new emotions and new joys. You ladies are gonna do great with 2 kiddos!

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    1. I've often thought the same thing as I've read some of your posts, lots and lots in common. I think G knows that the ohhhhs and ahhhhs are really important to me too (because I've told her several times, lol). I'm hoping that it's just been crumby right now, in the beginning but will get better. I think that once I'm pregnant, God willing I can get pregnant - it will be amazing. I just want to get there already! ;)

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  4. Kristin! It is special, no lack of enthusiasm (at this point) will ever take away from the journey you are one day soon going experience. (I am also a middle child by the way. MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME SUFFER OVER HERE!) You are also going through a lot outside of baby #2 that can affect the way you are feeling. So many unknowns will definitely have an impact. I felt the same way when I got pregnant with Sophia. I felt bad that I wasn't jumping for joy over baby #2. Not because I wasn't extremely happy and thankful and blessed, but because we were busy with Emmy and we knew that we had what we needed for baby # 2. AND we wanted to make sure we focused on our current family of 3 and spending alone time with Em since her world was going to be rocked. Once you see that line, YOUR line, it will all change. And I could not agree more about how every child is different and new. I could go on and on. What you are feeling is totally normal friend. Love you!

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    1. M, your comments always make me feel so much better about things. You're right about all the other crap going on for us right now and I try and remember that anytime I want to throw myself a pity party and think, this isn't how things were supposed to go. Just last week I was thinking to myself that if things had gone according to plan and we inseminated when we planned originally, I could be announcing baby #2 to the world right now. Even though I know that getting prego on the first try is near impossible, it's still something I thought about. Then I think about everything we went through with Grace. The miscarriage, the years it took to make her and that now that she's here, we wouldn't have wanted it to go any other way. I have faith that some of the delays we've experienced have been for a reason and that it's all part of a plan. Love you too :)

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  5. Middle child here too!!!! I think all the cool bloggers are ;)

    As someone who just got off this rollercoaster, I assure you, it all balances out in the end. I do not think it is a who is carrying thing but a 2nd child thing. I felt like we barely paused to savor Boo's pregnancy because we were so busy being parents to Little Monster. I looked the other day and there are, no joke, 3 albums on facebook of Little Monster's pregnancy. THREE. Boo=zero. But now she is here and trust me, there is plenty of love, time, and attention to go around. It just works out :)

    I am so excited to follow this journey. I posted the blog about conceiving Boo (I remember telling you I was going to) but I think you were on vacation when I did, so check it out in the archives if still want to read. It should be around Sept. 11th!

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    1. How funny that most of my favorite blogs are written by middles! Coincidence, I think not, lol. I'm sure things will balance too and I'm also well aware of the fact that I need to toughen up a bit considering we're just at the start of this "rollercoaster". I worry that others in TTC land will read a post like this written by me and think - really... you're complaining about having to delay your first insemination when I've been trying for 1, 2, 3 years. We were there once too so I know how hard that was. This has been pretty tough as well, just a different kind of hard. It's so great to hear from all you moms of multiples that a mother's heart grows and there is plenty of love to go around!

      Oh and by the way, while there may not have been several FB albums on the second pregnancy, you are surly making up for it with your lovely posts about Boo now that she's here and how could you not? She's just so darn adorable!

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  6. Even if it's the second time around, it's your first time. It's going to be amazing and awe inspiring and everything you dreamed it would be! And you're going to love the next one just as much in a totally different way. And you have gorgeous Gracie now! (How's the job nonsense coming along?) -Sarah

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    1. Thank you for the sweet comment Sarah. Things on the job front are at a bit of a standstill. I'm just waiting to hear back on a few prospects. Fingers crossed that everything works out the way I hope it does. :)

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  7. Middle Child Here Too : )
    I know that its #2 for the family but like another blogger commented its still going to be brand new for you!!! This will be a special time no matter what! This will be a first for your family to see you pregant. It will be the first time your wife gets to see you pregnant. Gracie's first time seeing Mama carrying her little brother or sister. Oh there will be lots of firsts even though its not the first baby : )
    Even though the process was put on a little hold doesn't mean that it isnt going to be a great journey.

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    1. Thanks for the sweet comment Missy. :)

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Thanks so much for keeping up with our little family! We love reading your comments and will get back to you as soon as we can.

K+G+g+w ♥

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