Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Here’s something I never thought I would say…

I am returning to my former employer.  I think I’m still in shock over recent events considering I had given up all hope of ever returning.  I really didn’t think it was going to happen, so I forced myself to begin applying for jobs a little over two months ago and in the mists of my job hunting hell, I received a call from my former director letting me know that he opened a new position and wanted to bring me back.  I have been very honest in my writing about what a struggle the layoff has been for me and my family these past 4 months.  With that honestly in mind, I will admit that I broke down crying when I got the call and I’ve had my share of emotional moments since.  I just feel so incredibly thankful.

When I was laid off in June and learned that there was a very small chance that I could come back, I made a pro/con list.  I make lists often for lots of things but this one was pretty important.  I wanted to really think about what it would mean for me to return if given the opportunity.  I wanted to make sure that I made the decision for the right reasons and not just because I needed a job and the opportunity presented itself… So here’s my list for all my fellow list lovers. 

Thankfully, the “pro” side is longer.

1.     I would once again be employed and right before Christmas.  That’s kind of a big one.
2.     I really do love the people I worked with and the fact that the organization is LGBT friendly.
3.     I would be able to retain my tenure, which means 5 weeks of paid vacation + sick time would still be available to me.  This is what allowed me to stay home the full 3 months of mat leave with Grace and I had hoped to do the same with baby #2.
4.     The new position is secure so I wouldn’t have to worry about being laid off a second time, or so they tell me.
5.     I would have less responsibility than I did in my previous role, which means less stress and that’s ideal when TTC.
6.     I’ve held a similar position before.  I enjoyed it and I was good at it.
7.     My new schedule would have flexibility making attending acupuncture and RE appointments much easier to manage.
8.     One of my closest friends would once again be my boss.
9.     AND I would get to work with my beautiful wife again.  This is the biggest pro!

1.     I would be coming back in a new role that is considered a demotion from what I was doing when I was laid off.
2.     I would no longer have the title it took me 5 years to earn and 3 additional years to develop.
3.     My annual salary would be cut, and while it would be a cut of less than 8%, it’s still a few thousand dollars that could have gone toward baby making expenses.
4.     I would lose a lot of the autonomy I grew accustom to in my previous position.
5.     There is zero opportunity for advancement with the company in the foreseeable future.
6.     And the biggest con, I would very much miss being a SAHM and spending all that time with my little gal. :( 

This also means that TTC #2 should be back on track within a month or so given we can get appointments set with our RE.  It chokes me up just typing that.  I had come to the resolution that I would have to work someplace new and thus put off TTC for at least 6-12 months for insurance and FMLA reasons.  To now know that there’s a chance we may inseminate before the end of the year makes me want to sing from the rooftops.  When I called today to schedule my fertility acupuncture appointments for the next two months, it was such an amazing feeling.  I still just can’t believe it. 

At the same time, I’m very sad that I will no longer be home with Grace.  The funny thing is that those first few weeks at home made me crazy because I wasn’t used to it, at all.  As the months rolled on, I grew more and more fond of my new role as a SAHM and it is definitely something I am going to miss.  I’m going to miss morning cuddles with Grace as she drinks her milk next to me watching Dora.  I’m going to miss our routine when it’s naptime and seeing how excited she gets to bring the doggies in for their nap too.  I’m going to miss planning and preparing her breakfast and lunches each day and listening to her say “yum!” as she eats.  I’m going to miss the middle of the day hugs I get that I wouldn’t get if I were at work.  I’m going to miss our evenings together waiting for G to come home and seeing the absolute joy in her face when she sees her mommy at the door.  I am also going to really miss our weekly excursions together, just the two of us.  Whether it was going to the grocery store, a play date, or just down the street to the mailbox, I loved the extra time with her.

Looking back on the past 18 weeks, I’m proud of all I was able to accomplish during my time at home and with a toddler, no less.  For the first time since moving in with G (6+ years ago), all the closets in the house have been completely cleaned out.  So have the kitchen cabinets and the drawers throughout the house and even our cluttered and filthy laundry room is now nice and organized!  In total, I believe I’ve taken around 8-10 garbage bags full of stuff to Goodwill and man did it feel good to do that!  Gracie’s things are all nicely organized and packed away as well.  All the clothing we wanted to save for future kiddos are now stored away and the things we didn’t want to keep were given to a teen mom who is a friend, of a friend.  I finally made G’s pregnancy journal photo album and another for Gracie’s 1st birthday, in addition to starting her baby scrapbook.  Prints of the professional pictures we’ve taken over the past 2 years were ordered and a new entryway picture collage is now complete along with updates to framed photos around the house.  I finished and packed away the bean’s birthday wish box while squeezing in time to sew her Halloween costume and both Georgia and I got a lot of work done in the yard.  Amongst all of this, we somehow managed to plan and take a few trips and squeeze nearly all of our summer bucket list of activities into the past 3-4 months.

That’s a lot of shit, right?!  Making the best of a bad situation, I guess.

More than anything, I wanted to write this post to thank all of you out in blogland who have given me support and encouragement throughout this ordeal.  Your comments and kind words have picked me up on my worst days and I feel so blessed to have this community and all of you.  I also wanted to thank my amazingly supportive wife as well as my dear friend Michele and my in-laws for everything they have done for me.  It’s amazing how so many of us have experienced the same hardships in life, or just hard times in general, and just hearing someone say, I’ve been there and it gets better has made all the difference for me.

I appreciate you all more than you know.

On to the next chapter.

This quote made me laugh.  It definitely fits my situation.


  1. So exciting! But I understand the emotions with this. Once we get in the SAHM groove it is hard to think of returning to work. You have a fairly nice pro list and not going to lie that my first thought before I even read the list was, Oh yay now K and G can start TTC#2!!! I wish you the best of luck for a smooth transition back!

    1. Yeah for TTC! I have my first acupuncture appointment on Tuesday - so excited. Thanks for the well wishes.

  2. YESS!!!! Very excited for you. As you say, it's not a perfect situation, but honestly, we're just excited for you to get on this insemination business - Gracie needs a sibling! ;D xxx

    1. Thanks ladies! I agree, Grace needs a little bro or sis. Hopefully it doesn't take us (me) too long to conceive... fingers crossed.

  3. Something sort of similar happened with my wife. She lost her job and then got an offer at a company she was super excited about but it was technically a demotion and a pay cut. But I'm happy to report it was totally worth it because it's a great company and she is happy - which is the biggest thing! (and it allowed us to start TTCing!) Hope it all goes well! Congrats :) - Sarah

    1. It's so great to hear that everything ended up working out for your wife. I'm hoping that it will have all happened for a reason for me as well. Sending you gals baby dust in your TTC journey. Yay for 2014 babies!!

  4. I'm so happy to read this, congratulations! I understand your mixed emotions, but I'm sure things will work out! Yay for TTC again soon!!!!
    Good job on your list of things you've accomplished…just reading it makes me tired! :)

    1. Thanks so much Nadine! Now I know why my list made you sleepy... Congratulations again on the baby! I'm so excited for you guys. :)

  5. I'm so happy to read this post! Congratulations. And I am ever more excited to read that you are going to be TTC again very soon. I know you will treasure all the moments you got to spend with Gracie the last few months. Good Luck on your new adventure.

    1. Thank you! I have definitely LOVED my time with her and it makes me sad to think that it's coming to an end. If nothing else, I'm going to make the most out of the hours we have together even more than I did before! Thanks for the baby dust!

  6. That sounds like Fantastic news. Congratulations.
    I truly believe things are meant to be. Sometimes it's hard to see it when you are there...but you can usually look back and find reasons for it happening.
    (and sometimes not) but in this case. You were able to spend 4 months with your little pumpkin and that was a nice little break from work :) or something. Lets get on to tracking and peeing on sticks. WOO HOO !

    1. It is such fantastic news! It's definitely hard to see the good in a situation you don't expect but now that everything has fallen into place, I think I'm going to be much happier and SO, SO much less stressed! The peeing on sticks has officially begun, lol. ;)

  7. Friend-I am so INCREDIBLY happy for you. I know it will be tough to be away from Gracie. There are many days that I wish I was a stay at home mom, but then I remind myself that my hard work during the day while I am away from them, is 100% for them. It allows us to be able to do more things as a family and the ability to create memories that we may not be able afford if I was home. It also means that they will be able to go to good schools and get good educations and that we will be debt free much sooner than we would be if I was at home with the kids. Lastly, it makes me appreciate the time I do have with my girls that much more. These are the things that keep me going at least.

    Anyway, I am so excited to see what this next opportunity provides you and your family in life. I can't wait to hear the news that another sweet baby will be added to your family. You are such an amazing mom. Nothing will ever take away from that!

    1. Such great points Michele, thanks for making me feel better about the whole situation. I can't wait for the day that we can share more baby news. I just hope it doesn't take two years again. I'm ready to give Grace a sibling now!! Love you friend.

  8. Good luck! I'm glad the pros are better than the cons in length and well, Michele has good points. Hopefully we can share the joy of your baby #2 soon! I am just hoping and crossing my fingers for ya.


Thanks so much for keeping up with our little family! We love reading your comments and will get back to you as soon as we can.

K+G+g+w ♥

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