Monday, February 10, 2014

IUI #2 = BFN

Is it just me or is every woman on the planet expecting?  I swear, between my Lesbian Families Face.book group and just FB in general, I read at least one soon-to-be mom making her big announcement just about everyday.  And then there is the general population of females in New Mexico – all prego, or so it would seem.  Several of my close friends have made recent announcements of babies on the way.  I mean, it’s everywhere I look!  Everywhere.

It’s hard not feeling a little bit jealous even when you are happy for an expecting mama.  It’s hard not to feel sad that you’re not the one seeing those two lines.  It’s hard not to compare yourself to other two mom families who are getting BFPs right and left.  And it’s hard not to blame yourself for the fact that you’re not pregnant yet like everyone else seems to be.  

I keep reminding myself that we’ve only been “trying” for 2 months but the truth is that we’ve really been trying for 10.  For 10 months now I’ve been on a regime of pre-natal vitamins… I’ve been going to weekly acupuncture appointments… I’ve had more tests and ultrasounds than I can count… I’ve given more blood samples in the past several months than I probably have in my whole life and don’t even get me started on the fertility drugs.  At times, they make me feel crazy, so that’s no fun.  No fun at all. 

It can be hard to focus on the positive but it’s so important that I try.  It’s important that anyone TTC at least tries.  As T. Roosevelt wrote in one of my favorite quotes, “Comparison is the thief of joy”.  I’m choosing to hold on to my joy and my hope.  I’m choosing to focus on the amazing things I have been blessed with and not the fact that I’m not one of the lucky ones yet.  I will join them soon; I feel it in my heart.  Hopefully, 3rd times a charm.

Baby dust to all my fellow TTC-ers out there. :)


8 comments:

  1. I'm sending *hugs* your way.

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  2. Ugh! Each BFN is hard, it doesn't matter if it's only the first, second or the 10th. It's such an emotional rollercoaster and I still cringe thinking back about that time.
    Allow yourself to be sad and do something good for yourself! The only thing that ever helped me during this time was to think that it wasn't meant to be this month and that our baby was waiting for us, we just had to be patient! (I know, it's still sucks and it's hard to be patient when TTC is pretty much all you can think about!)
    HUGS!

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  3. Dammit! So sorry. I know what you're feeling. It took us 6 tries with my wife and I swear the month that hit us the hardest we found out that THREE friends/family members were pregnant in the SAME day! Ugh...Not that the other one's weren't hard but that month was like a dagger in my heart. It's okay to feel the way you feel. Most of us understand completely. I STILL suffer from my BFP guilt and because of that I don't talk to certain people about my pregnancy. I know they are happy for me but I also know how it feels to be on that side. It's tough. I'm cheering for you and I thank you for all of your support. I'm reallllllllllly praying for your wonderful two pink lines! ((Major hugs & Baby dust))

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  4. I was just saying the same thing to another friend, that it seems EVERYONE is pregnant now except for me. And now I'm taking a break (for a multitude of reasons) and it's even harder to watch everyone around me get pregnant. I know that there really are no words to make it better. And with PCOS you really feel like a crazy lab rat. When I was on the fertility meds I would cry and say "I know I'm crazy right now but I can't stop being crazy" - it messes with your brain.

    Hold on fiercely to your joy and hope - because you're right, you'll be there soon!

    XOXOXO - Sarah

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  5. I'm sorry. I hate that it's so hard for so many of us. Wishing you success with #3!

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  6. BFNs never get easy. But with that positive attitude and atmosphere, I am certain your day is around the corner. I think people do not get the energy (physically and emotionally) that goes into TTC unless they have been there and please know that so many of us have been there. We get you, we are here for you, we are rooting you and your reproductive organs on from across the many miles. Yes, I will say it, we are fertilization cheerleaders :)

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  7. Thanks so much guys. It's amazing what a few days (not taking a ton of meds) can do to make you feel better. I'm hopeful for round #3 and I think we're going to try back-to-back inseminations this time as long as my follies are big enough. If not we'll hold off until they are. I think the pressure of using up the few vials we have left is what stresses me out the most so I'm praying we get our BFP soon!!

    Thank you for the amazing support. :)

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Thanks so much for keeping up with our little family! We love reading your comments and will get back to you as soon as we can.

K+G+g+w ♥

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