Friday, March 13, 2015

FET Update

This update wasn’t going to happen… And then I decided to write it; I put my thoughts down on paper and then decided against posting, again. I’ve gone back and forth quite a bit over the past couple of weeks. My hesitation with sharing our transfer date and FET plans is that I would essentially be sharing the exact date that we may, (God willing) get pregnant. This is something I’ve been afraid to share, mostly because I’m reluctant to share my feelings and excitement prematurely in the event that things don’t work out again. What I’ve been thinking is that if I share the news that we’re transferring one of our beautiful little embies, if I put it out there, then I may also have to write that dreaded BFN post in a couple of weeks and that would be really hard. You could consider this a negative way of thinking, or just very guarded. I would consider myself guarded – but I’m getting better. 

Up until about two weeks ago, I was going through the motions of FET prep. You know, the acupuncture appointments, the injections, the estradiol patches, the no caffeine, the supplements, the exercise, etc. but I still wasn’t convinced that it would work. I guess when you’ve been through 15 months of disappointment, you become more of a realist and less of an optimist. Then I had this amazing fertility acupuncture session two weeks ago that changed everything for me. 

I started seeing a new acupuncturist by accident and she’s been amazing. Because of work I had to change the day of my weekly appointment, which meant I had to see another Dr. in the practice. I’m so thankful I did because it’s been a whole different experience and so much better. Dr. J listens, she calms me and advises me on ways to manage my emotions and energy. The appointments are never rushed and I always leave feeling rejuvenated. In the session I had two weeks ago, we went through the normal questions she asks before beginning every week. What’s going on with me? How am I feeling? What feels good, what hurts, etc. I was very honest with her and shared that I was feeling negative and angry even though I didn’t have anything to be angry about. Our conversation that followed was powerful and following our session something just kind of changed for me. I didn’t notice that anything was different until a few days later as I was driving to pick Gracie up from school. There I am driving along with this giant smile on my face as I pictured myself pregnant. I than thought to myself, I can totally get pregnant this month. This could work. This is going to work! I’m going to get pregnant!

I can’t explain what happened exactly other than something clicked. It’s like my brain told my body and spirit that it was ok to have hope again. I suddenly felt less afraid to have faith, real faith and could actually picture the possibilities. It felt good.

When I left my session that day, Dr. J told me, “Kristin, go. Be unbroken.” 

So this is me today. Hopeful and unbroken.

{My transfer is set for Thursday, March 24th at 1pm}


15 comments:

  1. Now I'm not one for signs from the universe...but exactly 6 years ago, this month, following 15 months of BFNs, we conceived Little monster. I had goosebumps reading this. Yes, go, go and be unbroken. We are all here, holding you up, cheering for you. So much positive energy and embracing peace being sent your way.

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    1. Shut the front door! That's crazy that the timing is the same. Here's hoping that's a good sign of things to come. We'll test on 4/1 (April Fool's Day, go figure). I'll FB you with the news. Hopefully the GREAT news!

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  2. Fingers crossed. Everything crossed. Sending BFP vibes your way!!!!!!!

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  3. "Be unbroken." How powerful and perfect! Wishing you all my luck, and congrats on the new Dr. Some things happen for a reason :D xx

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    1. Thank you Lara! I'm so very happy that I found Dr. J. :)

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  4. Love love love this post!! The "be unbroken" is such a heavy statement! Live it well sister!
    Crossing everything I have for you!

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    1. Thanks friend! It was a heavy statement. Definitely made me think.

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  5. Damn it I replied to this post. It made me sign in and then my comment was sucked into the unknown world where comments apparently go.
    I wrote a lot too. Great stuff. Really helpful stuff. :-)
    So happy to hear that you are feeling positive energy. I think it makes all of the difference.....not just in the experience but the outcome !

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    1. Yeah, if you aren't logged-in, Blogger eats your comment! It's the worst! I'm trying to be as positive as I can be. It's definitely something I have to try to do because it doesn't come naturally to me. Still, it's not hard to feel good about this right now! :)

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  6. I've been thinking of you so much lately! I keep crossing all my fingers and toes. Breaking is the only way things grow. Love love love! Can't wait to hear more. I'll be holding you up on 3/24!

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    1. Thank you for thinking of me, Sarah! I love what you wrote about breaking being the way to grow. What a great perspective. :)

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  7. LOVE it! I completely believe the cliche 'everything happens for reason' & I'm so excited for you!!! Sending love & prayers your way :)

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    1. So do I, Spring! Thank you so much for the love and prayers!

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  8. march 24 is one of the best days in my life........my son was born! he will be 16 this year! good luck.............go, be unbroken.....love it, live it, be it!

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Thanks so much for keeping up with our little family! We love reading your comments and will get back to you as soon as we can.

K+G+g+w ♥

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