Sunday, April 26, 2015

San Diego Trip, Part I: She’s married!

Here’s the funny thing about blogging… The less often you do it, the less often you feel like doing it, if that makes any sense. I’ve been blogging for going on 6 years now and I’ve always been that 2-3 times a week blogger. That is, until these past couple of months. I used to run to my computer following trips and big events because I just couldn’t wait to share. Now I’m like, hmmm, maybe I’ll clean out my closet instead. I mean, our Disney trip was a month ago and for some reason I can’t make myself sit down and share what an amazing trip it was and that’s just crazy!

I had decided that Thursday night would be the night. I had all of these thoughts at work about a video I would make to share our vacation pictures and pictures of my mom’s wedding and then on my way home, I stopped to pick up a prescription and noticed an adorable pink baseball glove begging to be purchased. So I bought it, of course. That turned into an evening in the backyard practicing catch with Grace (who starts T-ball in just a few weeks, ekkk!) and playing with the hose and water table. See… excuses, excuses. 

I’m going to keep trying to stay invested because I’m honestly not ready to retire this blog quite yet. I’ve met some AMAZING friends here and you all have been there for me through some of the most wonderful and difficult times in my adult, married life. So how could I just disappear?!

Project 52 is honestly what keeps me coming back. I’ll go a few weeks without posting and think, I need to catch up on my Project 52 pics and then I’ll just start writing. That’s what happened with my post about not feeling like my old self. Had I thought too much about sharing those feelings, I never would have and you all would have thought that I handled my failed IVF cycle like a damn champ. I obviously didn’t and I’m glad you know that because that’s the thing about life. Sometimes it sucks, but you get through it and things get better. With that being said, I want to say thank you for all of the kind words and support you all have shown me during this period of trying to conceive. I'm sure there are a lot of you out there who read and don’t comment, so I don’t really know who you are but that’s ok because I appreciate that you’re sharing in our lives. For those of you who do follow and leave words of encouragement, you have no idea how much they mean to me. I’ve always felt safe and supported here and I’m just so thankful for that.

And with that being said, let’s talk wedding shall we?   

My mama’s officially a married woman! We love her husband and now Gracie has another Grandpa, I have a stepdad (still weird to say that) AND a new step-brother. Our family grew over night and we couldn’t be happier about it.

My ma’s been a single lady for the past 22 years and in that time she has kissed her share of frogs. There were definitely periods of sadness and worry that she would never find her forever person and while she worried, I never really did. I knew Kevin was out there and that they would find their way to each other when the timing was right.

See mom... This is why you should just listen to everything I say. ;)

The wedding was beyond beautiful! It was held on a little island at a gorgeous resort in San Diego where we all stayed for several days. The place was seriously amazing and it quickly made sense why the word Paradise was in the resort name. There were more pools than I could count. The resort was lined by the ocean and there were plush walking paths, waterfalls and lakes everywhere.

This picture was taken on our first morning there. We woke up, threw our dirty hair in ponytails and headed out to discover. We ended up climbing this ridiculously high lookout point that gave us a view of the entire resort. Grace led the walk the whole way up and was amazed once we arrived at the top. She just kept saying, “look Mommy, look Mama!” as she pointed at everything.

Every morning a family of ducks, who quickly became Gracie’s best friends, visited us. We would spend our mornings on our private patio having coffee while Gracie fed the ducks and when we weren’t doing wedding stuff, we were swimming. By day two my fair-skinned little lady had a bit of a sun burn even though she wore a hat and sunscreen 24/7. We just couldn’t keep ourselves inside with all the beautiful outdoor adventures to be had!

I was very proud of my mom because she was a total Bride-chilla the weekend of her ceremony. The wedding rehearsal was super laid back and consisted of about 15 minutes of ceremony practice and a whole lot of playing in the sun and taking in the views.

Grace and our Niece, Mia were the flower girls and my Lord, they were so stinkin’ cute! We didn’t talk to Grace a whole lot about what she would need to do on the day of, so the rehearsal was really the first time the girls were instructed to walk across the bridge and up the path with Devin. They did awesome and looked just precious walking arm in arm with our cutie little nephew.

Me and the beautiful bride-to-be!

The oldest of the grandkids, our nephew Rudy, was given the honor of walking Nani down the aisle and he took his role very seriously. I’m so happy that my mom decided to have a wedding party made up of just her grandkids. It made the ceremony all that more special.

This picture kills me! I mean, could she get any cuter?! 

After the ceremony we headed to the cocktail party and reception and spent the remainder of the evening dancing the night away. My mom looked happier than I’ve ever seen her and because my niece passed out very early, Grace was the showstopper at the reception dancing and being her normal, adorable self. She was in super-hyper active mode and was still going strong when we took her to bed late that night.

It was such a beautiful day! Here’s a few more pictures of the festivities ~

I did my mom’s wedding hair! Turned out pretty darn good if I do say so myself. ;)

Flight #9 and #10 for this little traveler!

On the flight out she drew a picture for the pilot. He was the nicest guy and even let us in the cockpit!

And that about wraps up the first 3 days of our trip!

Holy picture-heavy post Batman! If you’re still reading, I must warn you that this is just the beginning, haha! I still have San Diego Zoo pictures + pics of our beach day with Gracie’s uncles + Disney mania posts with Gaga and Papa, so stay tuned. Even with me intentionally putting my camera away so that I could truly be in the moment during our trip, I still managed to take over a thousand pictures. My name is Kristin and I’m a picture-oholic!  

Saturday, April 25, 2015

16/52: Life with a toddler

Today she woke up extra early, refused to let me brush her hair, had the mother of all meltdowns, lost a shoe in Home Depot, spilled two full drinks in two different places and accidentally smacked me in the face with an umbrella... She also met a snail and told us she loved us, a lot. So it's basically a wash.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

The old me…

Is far superior to the new me. The new me sucks. Infertility sucks. It changes you. It’s changed me.

I used to be so carefree. I was this super energetic, positive and overly confident person. I remember when Georgia and I were having early conversations about having a baby – it wasn’t even a question that we would start with her. She’s almost 4 years older than me. Her parents are 20+ years older than my mom and were long overdue for a grandbaby that looked like their daughter. We figured G would have our first kiddo and then I would take the ball from there. It was going to be a piece of cake.

Turns out, I can’t have babies. Not yet anyway.

I haven’t shared too much about how things went for us post egg retrieval, so here it is. I was disappointed when I only ended up with 10 eggs. I was reading IVF blogs like crazy leading up to my retrieval and read post after post about women having 15-20+ eggs retrieved and honestly thought that would be the case with me. So you can imagine my surprise when they came back in the room and through my grogginess I heard them say they only got 10. I told the nurse, “10 doesn’t seem like a lot”. Her response was, “it could have been zero”… She was kind of a B.

I was super thankful when they called to say that of the 10, 8 were mature and all 8 fertilized. I thought, great! I’ll have 8 chances to get pregnant. I was still basking in my 8 tries excitement when they called a few days later to say that only two made it to day 5 freeze. TWO?! Only two. When the nurse told me I had to keep myself from asking, “are you fucking kidding me?” I cried. I felt so guilty. I felt like I had failed Georgia and Gracie. How could there only be two? My stomach was still swollen from my retrieval. I felt like total shit and had injection bruises all over my legs as I was given this bad news. It was a tough couple of days in the Roybal house.

As always I just needed a few days to wrap my head around the idea that I would only have two tries. I somehow found my positivity and was in a good frame of mind when we did my transfer.

We all know how that turned out.

Right now, today, I just want to be done with this. I don’t even want to do my last FET. I’m done being positive and optimistic. I’m sick of taking medications. I’m over driving across town to acupuncture appointments and I’m tired of spending so much money on something that isn’t working. It’s been almost 2 years of this and most days, I’m just sad.

I feel so bad for G. Lately I don’t even want to be around myself so I can only imagine how she feels. I have so much mom guilt and feel bad that there have been a few times Grace has caught me crying. My mom keeps telling me that it’s good Gracie is being exposed to all of these emotions because it’s important for her to know that even mommies get sad sometimes and that it’s ok. Still, I feel bad.

I know some of you are reading this and thinking that with this kind of attitude how can I expect it to happen. The thing is, up to this point I’ve been positive. I’ve read a million inspirational quotes. I’ve meditated and prayed. I’ve exercised and done everything else they’ve told me to do. It just isn’t working.

I wish it was.

I came across this picture yesterday and it broke my heart a little. This is the first picture Georgia ever took of me in my tiny apartment 9 years ago.

It’s not that I want to go back to that time because I didn’t have my amazing little gal then, I just miss that girl. I miss my old self and I pray I can find her again soon.

Thanks for listening friends.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

{Gracie’s THREE year pictures}

I feel like I’ve been MIA forever but we’re finally home! We’re exhausted… We’re still on somewhat of a Disneyland high and we are all sporting a nice golden tan! This was the longest vacation we’ve ever taken as a family and I have so much to share that I figured Gracie’s three-year pictures would be the best place to start.

The past two weeks have been spent in sunny California with our journey beginning at the most amazing beachfront resort in San Diego where Gracie’s Nani got hitched. It was a beautiful wedding that deserves a post of it’s own, so stay tuned for that. The wedding was followed by a trip up the cost where we spent a few days soaking up some rays on the beach while staying with G’s brother, uncle Dean. The ocean was the perfect backdrop for our gal’s 3-year birthday pictures and I’m so happy with how they turned out.

Our beach day was followed by a short drive to Anaheim where we spent the remainder of our trip in an amazing condo just minutes from Disneyland with Gracie's Gaga, Papa and uncles! I took well over 1,000 pictures over the 10 days we were traveling and aside from the Bean’s birthday photos; I have yet to go through any of them.

My goal is to share our many California adventures before the month ends, so without further ado, here is our gorgeous gal’s three-year pictures. We went with a timeless themed black and white shoot with the ocean as the backdrop. So much about being a toddler is loud, colorful and busy, so I loved the idea of some classic and simple shots of our daughter basking in the beauty of being three. 

Thank you for capturing these beautiful pictures, Chris. We love every single one.

Hello beautiful.

This past week didn’t turned out as we hoped. My first FET ended in a negative pregnancy test. We actually found out the afternoon these pictures were taken. The news came in as I was sitting alone on the beach watching my beautiful wife and baby girl play in the waves and while it wasn’t easy to hear, it also wasn’t devastating for me. This isn’t the end of our story and I know that much deep in my heart. We’ll have one more try with FET and if that doesn’t work we have another perfectly good uterus and there’s some serious conversations in the works about adoption.

At the end of the day, regardless of what ends up happening, we have this beautiful and perfect little girl that we get to call our daughter. 

We are so incredibly blessed.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...